so painful!

Hi Little Mollie,


We went to see your Mummy`s cousins little girls before Xmas, and it was lovely.

What i would have given to have been you clambering on my lap for  a story!

Grand dad is still not very well at all, he had bad dizzy spell last week and we regrettably have decided to try  not to put him through all this upset so if we do not come over with presents next year it is not because we do not love you and think of you every day.

I blue boothed pictures of you last year onto my phone they are only baby ones and 3 Uncle Steve managed to get Mummy to send him, but they all got lost when I had phone problems.

I managed to salvage one.

We love you very much and hope you had lovely Xmas and liked the presents we got you.

love always Nanna and Grandad Johnson xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

You are beautiful!

Dearest Mollie,

I was so thrilled to catch glimpse of you yesterday when Grand dad and I bought your presents over, your other Nannie opened the door, and there you were standing by the living room door, and  you gave me a lovely smile!

You are so pretty and how I imagined you from a baby, lovely big blue eyes and your hair very blonde, oh how I wish I could  have cuddled you!!


Poor Grandad was not very well with his elbow and he had walked back to the car, he is so upset not to have seen you we pray we will one day soon.

I do hope you can choose something nice and pretty with the Marks voucher we sent and that you like the pressies.  We chose you the little bag from India I thought it was so pretty, the people there are very poor and the try so hard to sell you things!

We chose books and pencils and things just fun to unwrap, and hope you and Daisy enjoy the Cadburys Santa! and the biscuits.

We love you Mollie with all our hearts and pray can be part of your life one day soon.

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sad with Xmas again

Hi Mollie and little Daisy

I do expect you will be getting excited about Xmas again soon!

Grand dad is not so well again he has a very bad elbow, and Nanna has to have a mole take off her arm so we are a bit low.

Gand dad wanted to come and bring some presents over for you both but I think we will have to post them now.

We would give anything to at least see a photo of you both.

Love you always Nana and Grandad Johnson

India

Dearest Mollie and Daisy too

We sent you a card from our holiday to India this month, it was fantastic.

Grandad and I want to be able to let you know that we are thinking of you wherever we are.

We came home feeling much stronger, and although it will always hurt us unbearably we are forging on with our lives.

I hope you are both happy and that Mollie you are liking school.

Your Mummy never was that keen on school  unlike your Uncle Steve.

We love you and are always here for you both.

Nannie and Grandad xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

ps hope you get to see this one day and the lovely picture of Grandad and I we sent you postcard of Taj Mahal it was amazing. xxxxx

so hard

Hi Mollie,

Maybe one day you will read this and realise how much Grand dad and I love you and how heartbroken we are.

Tonight Grand dad is out he hardly ever goes out, and I sat on settee and caught the picture of me holding you as a little one of about 6 months and it made me cry to remember how excited I was and how dark it is now not even knowing what you are like.

We drove down your road on my birthday weekend and Gran dad and I looked in the window, Mummy was not in and we saw a photo of you all last Xmas.  I  upset Grand dad and I so much.

We fly to India for holiday next week and are quite excited we will send you a postcard!

I hope and pray one day you will know us.

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very dark time

Dear Little Mollie.

I do hope you were given the pencil case with cows on, Mummy used to call you Mollie moo wonder if she still does.

And the other bits and bobs Grandad and I sent you I hope you liked them and the card!!

Also hope you will enjoy your first half days at big school and so wish we could be part of it.

We love you Mollie.


Nanna and Grandad. x xxx

so much love and luck on first day at school!!

O Dearest Mollie,

It is very hard to write this as feeling very tearful,  we think of you all the time Grand dad and I and to think of you starting school when you are still a baby in our hearts, and we not seen you since you were a babe of 9 months.

We are thinking of you at this milestone and we both send you all our love.

We saw your Uncle Steve couple weeks ago with his new partner and her sons,  how we would have loved to share the day on beach with  you and little Daisy.

Mummys cousin Cathy bought her  little girls to see us last week and they were lovely, Maisy, Alice and Rosie, we so enjoyed that, and would have given so much for you to be there too with Daisy.


We will always love you and send you so much love and good wishes for your first day at school.
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WE do not know!

Hello again little Mollie, though you will be grown up when you read this!!

We have been told by your Mummies godmother (supposed to be my best friend!) that she hopes to get us contact with you but we do not believe it.

Sadly it is just to try and hurt us and we are in shock yet again that your Mummy can be so cruel to us her parents.

We did not even get a card to say you received all the lovely presents that we chose you and can only pray Mummy gave them to you.

Still very worried about Grandad and my priority is to try and get him completely well.

We feel sick and I cry so much thinking of you and what we have missed.

Please know that we will always love you.

On happier note we just got back from  Ireland and wedding of Yvonne and Donncha that is my cousins daughter.

It was a lovely family occasion and your great Uncle John (my twin) and Auntie Liz (my sister) were there too.

It was a beautiful service in the Abbey where my grandparents are buried that would be your great great grandparents!

Nannie and Grandad.  Love you always and think of  you every day xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

sick inside

Dear Mollie,

We  heard today from my oldest friend your Mummy`s godmother that Mummy has written to her, and it makes us feel so sad inside that we are ignored.

You are starting school in September apparently, and we have not seen you since you were baby, we both cried Grand dad and I.

When Mummy started school I sweated over making her a red cardi and she loved it, I would love to have been able to make one for you.

Sadly Grand dad is still not very well and we cannot do any more we have to think of his health.

We love you and miss you  more than we can say.

We saw your Uncle Steve last week and his new partner Anina and that was lovely.

Never forget that he loved you too very much and none of this estrangement was our choice.

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very upsetting

Dear Mollie  I write this with tears in my eyes, we went on Radio 5 yesterday to be interviewed about how the police involvement has ended any chance of us talking to Mummy again.

Sometimes it is so very hard and we want you to know that we never forgot you and it is so very painful that we do not even know what you look like now, despite having housefull of photos of the first 9 months of your life.

Grand dad is 67 now and has been very poorly with a chest virus and we can`t cope with all the uspet an ymore.

We will always love you and never stop hoping to be part of your life but we are not likely to apply to court to see you as Grandad worries it will make me ill and he does not want to do it, and I really do not think I could put him through it either, but it is not because we do not want to see you and would do anything we could to heal this family rift.

Be happy Mollie xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

very upsetting for Nannie and Grandad

O dear Mollie we left your presents, Auntie Joan is 88 and was not well enough to come with us, that upset Grandad and I and Grandad still not very well with his cough, but we bravely came over and it seems Mummy and Daddy had taken you out.

We put your card through the letter box and left the bag of presents with a neighbour, who kindly promised to take them over to you.  I chose the gift bag thinking you would like it with a colourful doggie on it!

We hope you like them, it upset us so very much that is unlikely we will come again, we will have to send you vouchers and save you money for when you older.
It is far too distressing for us to come over and be unable to see you.

We  could see photos of you and Daisy and it cut us into pieces that we have no idea what you look like now.  That was the most painful bit. 

Please know how much we love you and how hard it is for us.

Happy 4th Birthday on Friday Mollie!!

Another year and the heartbreak goes on.

Mollie hope you have lovely day on Friday wonder if Mummy is giving you a party.

We also hope you love the presents we chose with care for you.

You are in our hearts and minds forever.  We love you and miss you.

Never a day goes by without us thinking of you.

Nannie and Grandad Johnson  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

todays the day!!

Well little Mollie I wrapped your presents last night, and I must admit a few tears fell, I would give anything to see you open them.

Granddad has been very ill again with chest virus, even went to doctor Mummy will tell you unheard of for him.
We have put your presents, jeans, peppa pig sweatshirt, pretty swimsuit (hope you still love swimming)and pretty dress for when the sun shines again, all wrapped in Hello Kitty and Peppa pig paper in lovely gift bag.

Auntie Joan who saw you when a baby and loves Mummy too is coming with us to deliver them.
We hope you like the presents and have a lovely time on Friday.

Grandad was too unwell to go away this weekend but I am doing my best to look after him.

We have bought you a Winnie the Pooh short stories book and some early readers as I reckon you will be soon learning to read.

Grandad so wishes he could read them to you and so do I.

We love you Mollie and think of you every day.   xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Mollie, to you as 4th birthday approaches!!

Dear Mollie, Grandad and I have bought you 3 more presents!  A Winnie the Pooh book which Mummy and Daddy can read to you, we so wish  we could too!!

Also 2 first reader books, as I bet you will be starting to try and read soon!

Grandad and I are going to wrap them all up and bring them over for you we will leave them on the step and we have some of Mummies college work also that Grand dad wants  her to have.

I would be amazing if we can see you too but we are doubtful about that.

We love you very much Mollie. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

To Mollie our first precious grand daughter

When you clasp her little fingers that final moment she arrives
It`s the beginning of  a love so deep it takes you by suprise.

It engulfs your very being,
rocks your life right to the core.

She is so precious and so wonderful you could not love her more.

Mummie loved dressing you in bright colours this was you being big girl sittingup on our stairs, the very last time you were in our  home!! We bought a single bed and lovely headboard hoping you could come and stay we never dreamt we would not see you again may be one day ...............................................................

Mollie at 8 hours old!!

Grand dad was so thrilled too, he was in his element and so looking forward to all the books he would read to you!!

this is where it all started, that feeling like  no other of holding your first grandchild in your arms.

we could scarcely contain our joy after the difficult pregnancy and fears to actually hold you little Mollie it was incredible.  We were lucky enough to be your first visitors and take Mummie some pink stuff for you!!  In this photo you were about 8 hours old!

Hi again little Mollie  I am going try upload photo here!!

You were only about 3 months old here, doesnt Nannie and Grandad look proud!!

WEll another week without seeing you little Mollie and another year unfolds.

I bet  you have fun with your little sister and Grand dad and I would give anything to share it with you.

our little doggie Rosie is lots better now and has had her stitches out.

We are going to choose you a nice book to add to your birthday presents.

I wonder if Mummy is giving you a party?

We  have nearly finished having our bathroom re done and Grand dad and I rushed out  this morning to cut our grass as it is raining again!!

We love you and pray so hard that we can see you again one day.

Never a day goes by without us thinking of you and your little sister Daisy and Mummy and Daddy.
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bittersweet memories

Mollie I spent lot of Sunday blue toothing pictures of you as a baby that Mummie sent me on my old phone over to my new one.

I ripped my heart out and the picture I have on phone of you ages 13 months was most recent one we have that Uncle Steve received from Mummy.

We have chosen you some lovely presents for your 4th birthday I hope you still like Peppa pig as we got you sweatshirt, matching jeans, swimsuit, and really pretty dress.  Granddad and I are going to choose you a book also.
We love you so much and pray we can see you one day. xxxxxxxxxxxxx

pain goes on and on

We have spoken at length this week to lady from bbc and to another lady sadly in same boat as us, and it is so very very hard.

We think of you Mollie and we love you, it is so cruel for Grand dad and myself  not to be able to see you and your little sister.

As I type this I have photo of me holding you when you were few weeks old with a very serious expression on your face, you were a lovely baby with big blue eyes which Mummy said were because y our Daddy had blue eyes and so do I your Nannie.  Your mummy was always one with a reason for things.

We can find no reason for the cruel way she has shut us out of your and her life and we hope and pray that one days things will change before it is too late.

Our little pet Rosie who Mummy did love is having another operation on Monday.

We are having all sorts of work done to our house, we only wish we could have the fun of sharing it with you, Daisy and Mummy and Daddy.

I expect you are at nursery school now, and we cannot even imagine how you look it breaks our hearts please be assured we will always love you.

affect so much

Today someone asked me to do their grand daughter nails - I am afraid that would be too painful when I have a beautiful grand daughter I am unable to see. One day I hope I can do your nails Mollie, I expect you like girly pretty things or are you a tomboy?

You are nearly 4 now and I expect you are at pre school and i hope you enjoy it.

Is it lovely having a baby sister?/

We love you and miss you so much darling.

Happy Easter to our little gran daughters

Happy Easter Mollie and Daisy,  Grandad and I hope you liked the cards we sent you and that Mummy got you a nice easter egg with the money.

It cuts into us like a knife that we have never me you Daisy, but we are here and we are your Nannie and Grandad and we love you and Mollie very much.

We also hope you got the card we sent you Mollie from our holiday we thought you would like the picture of the Meerkat.

It is 3 years now since we have seen you little Mollie but your photos fill our house still and we hope with all our hearts to see you again and meet your little sister.

Be happy all our love Nannie and Grandad Johnson xxxxxxxxxxxx

think of you every day

Dear Mollie just to let you know that Grandad and I think of you every day and it destroys us not to even have a picture of you.  We sent off the forms to try and see you via the courts but they were returned and now Granddad is unsure he does not want me upset any more.

We so miss your Mummy too I am sure she is looking after you and your little sister very well.

We love you and would give the world to be with you both xxxxxxxxxx

we think of you all the time! February 22nd

Grandad just had his birthday on Sunday we wrote to Mummy again last week, so so want to see  you and your little sister, and we had decided to try and get a court order, but then Granddad Uncle Steve and me your Nannie so desperately do not want to alienate your Mummy any further because she is still our daughter and we love her.

We cannot understand why she has done what she had and we never will, but we are very uncertain as to what it the best way.
It totally breaks our hearts that we cannot even see a photo of you, the pictures we have on display you were a little baby of only 9 months

I hope you are happy and please know how much we love you.

dreary in January!!!

I wonder how you are keeping amused in this cold wet January day.  I would give the world to be able to see you and read to you and try and keep you happy!!

How do you like having a little sister? We found out that Mummy had another baby, and of course it all adds to the hearbreak, we also found out she was born on January 3rd and her name is Daisy.

It is indescribable hurt for Grand dad and me that we cannot see either of you.

We do pray one day we will.  I will continue to send you presents tho we never hear if you get them or like them.  That is all I can do at the moment, and will send you postcard from our next holiday in Fuertuverntura at the end of March.

I expect you are looked after by your other nanny and gran dad how it breaks our hearts that we cannot see you and look after you.
I hope one day you will read this and will know how much we loved you and wanted to be part of your life.

Be happy little Mollie we love you so much Nanny and Grand dad Johnson.